Never Alone

July 1, 2024

This week I wanted to talk a little bit about loneliness.

I am lucky to have a lot of friends around here, so do not feel sorry for me! That’s not what this post is about. I’m very blessed by the people in my life, both in Italy and at home. But I definitely struggle with coming home to an empty house and not really knowing what to do with myself. Between living alone, being in a different country than my family, not being a part of a church community over here, and being chronically single, I do feel lonely sometimes.

I had a Theology exam recently and one of our assignments was to read Genesis 1-3: the stories of Creation and The Fall of Man. I’ve read this many times, and I’ve listened to some podcasts and books about it, but this time one thing really struck me: God said “It’s not good for man to be alone”, but He gave the man purpose before giving him a person or partner.

In Genesis 2, God creates Adam and planted a garden for the man to work and keep. Adam became a gardener and got his hands a little dirty. (He also got to use his creativity to name all the animals—what a sick job that would be!!) He was a faithful steward of the task that God gave him. It wasn’t until after giving Adam his purpose that God said it’s not good for man to be alone.

Now, being alone isn’t always bad. There are different versions of being alone. I think solitude and isolation are two sides of the same coin; solitude is a gift and isolation is a bit of a curse. Through living alone the past few years, I’ve had moments of isolation, where I get in my head and start to overthink everything I’ve ever done and everything I’m doing, and I do feel lonely. But I’ve also been blessed with many moments of solitude, where I’ve learned to slow down, listen, and find peace. Through those times of silence and solitude, my relationship with God and my relationship with myself have juristically improved.

While Adam was alone, he took care of the garden. Likewise, I need to take care of mine (metaphorically of course). I need to steward the gifts I’ve been given well: my time, my education, my money, my relationships, and even my loneliness. Purpose is a scary word, it’s such a big thought, but I do think a good place to start is by stewarding what we have.

I’ve realized I don’t actually feel lonely at all when I’m spending the time I have in the morning reading the Bible and journaling, or when I’m studying, or when I’m writing, or when I’m walking in the cool of the day. I only really feel lonely when I’m sitting idly or procrastinating or dissociating or comparing my own life and timeline with others’.

I’m so thankful that my life hasn’t worked out according to my own plan and my own timeline, because oh my gosh it would be so boring. Discovering my passion for wine and winemaking has led me to experiences and relationships I never would’ve asked for or even imagined. But that’s God! He gives us immeasurably more than we could even dream of. I’m so thankful that.

Right now, I am dealing with a season of loneliness. I spend way too much time talking to myself or the lizard living in my apartment, but for really the first time in my life, I’m content in the loneliness I’m feeling because I know that I’m never really alone. God is walking with me and guiding my steps. My family and friends are only a phone call (or a few blocks) away. And I am getting to live out my purpose which brings so much joy! I am glad that I get to find my purpose before finding my person, although I do hope my prince will come someday ;) But until then I'm happy to be working hard studying and exploring, and I'm so thankful for the people I've met in the process.

This might not be the blog post you were expecting this week, but I hope that if it resonates with you, it encourages you a bit.

You are never alone!

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This week I studied a lot, went to the river, went on a few walks and a few runs, and today I got to watch the Tour de France leave from Piacenza! So fun!

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Sources/inspiration:

Genesis 1-3 (and quite a few other Bible verses)

Bema Podcast (episodes 1-2)

“Garden City” by John Mark Comer